1st draft: She looked down, tears streaming down her face as she watched him fall. He was dying and it was all her fault.
Revised draft:
She knew there wasn't anything she could do. They were both about to die and it was all her fault. "you know, If you think about it, its really just like a hot tub." she said trying not to scream as the rope lowered her closer and closer to the boiling oil. "No I think this is better." he replied "I hear its very good for your skin." "Oh but it will ruin my pedicure!" she replied as she leaned over to give him one last kiss before they were both boiled alive. "Alright that will be enough for today." said the director. "blechhgh." said Stella as she went to wash out her mouth. "why did he of ALL people have to be cast as the prince?"
There ya have it ;)
I loved how you brought out the personalitys in both people. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you!!!!
DeleteDude, I love it!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteYour first beginning definitely caught my attention. But I liked how the second one gave more information that not only caught my attention, but kept it because I was so curious about what in the world was happening. Clever lead into an acting scene :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE IT!!!! it is really good!! :)
ReplyDeleteHAha I already love your character Stella! Amazing job!
ReplyDelete